Fear-Fighting Against Rejection in Friendships
Fear of rejection is holding you back from experiencing the beauty of Christ-centered friendships. Here’s how you can overcome it and walk in boldness
For many, the challenge of cultivating friendships lies in the fear of rejection and this can manifest in a multitude of ways such as:
Not reaching out to friends or potential friends because of fear that they won’t respond
Not planning hangouts because of fear that no one will show up
Over-sharing in hopes that once people know more about you, they’ll like you more
Being excessively reserved out of fear that people will not like you as you are
I struggled heavily with fear of rejection as early as middle school years (probably before then honestly) and in that time, I remember resolving that I would no longer seek out friends – I would just exist and be open to whoever shows interest in getting to know me more. However, as I’ve grown older and moved into stages of life where friendship requires more intentionality, I had to shed this fear and boldly pursue those that I knew would be a blessing to my life. More frequently than I’d like, that fear of rejection threatened to rear its ugly head and drive me to exhibit one of the behaviors I mentioned above. However, over the years I have learned a few lessons that transformed how I pursue friendships and helped me to move in confidence rather than in fear of being rejected. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Rejection is never a reflection of my identity. My identity is in Christ alone.
The main reason we struggle with being rejected by people is that we see it as a reflection of who we are (i.e. a person rejects you so you automatically think that something is wrong with who you are). However, the reality is that the Lord has already created us in HIS image and made us good. Because I know that my identity in Christ is that I am a chosen, loved, fearfully & wonderfully made woman with so much God-given wisdom and love to share with those around me, I have confidence and security in myself. If someone rejects my friendship, that does not change or even challenge who I am. It’s just a fact of life that I experience and move on from. (Matthew 10:14)
I am depriving myself and others when I allow fear of rejection to stifle me
When we know our identity in Christ and are confident in it then we also know that we add value to the lives of those around us (Proverbs 17:17) whether that is in the form of being a prayer partner, listening ear, encourager, counselor, comforter, comedian, or simply being present. So when we allow fear of rejection to get in the way of reaching out to someone, we are literally depriving that person from experiencing and benefitting from all that God has placed in us. Likewise, we are also depriving ourselves of potentially experiencing and benefitting from all that God has placed in His other children. That’s not fair to you, me, or anyone at all. There have been instances where I unexpectedly reached out to someone or they reached out to me and the conversation ended up being so full of encouragement and love. Imagine if we hadn't reached out…we both would have missed out on an opportunity to fill each other's cups.
There is a direct link between fear of rejection and pride
Pride in the biblical sense is the sin of esteeming oneself higher than or better than others – especially higher than God. Throughout the scriptures, we see many examples of God’s children being rejected by others. Joseph was rejected by his brothers because they refused to believe that Joseph would rule over them (Genesis 37). Moses was rejected by the Israelites because they did not understand his God-given authority (Acts 7:35). Even Jesus was rejected in His own hometown (Mark 6:3-4). If Jesus Christ Himself was rejected by people who were close to Him, why do we think that we are above rejection? Certainly, we don’t think ourselves better than Jesus or any great person of faith who dealt with rejection. If so, we are walking in pride and ought to repent. The rejection that Jesus and our forefathers faced should be further confirmation to us that rejection is inevitable. However, the fear of rejection is simply not our portion as believers. (2 Timothy 1:7) By arming ourselves with the Word of God and the truth of the Gospel, we are able to overcome fear and move forward in faith that stands firm even when people reject us (because they will).
I hope these lessons help you to walk in boldness in the area of friendships. For those who have been petitioning God for Christ-centered friendships, I encourage you to continue trusting God to bring the right friends to you and be bold enough to take that first step in cultivating friendship with people you admire.
